15 December 2007

Just say "NO" to Squirrel Sex!

Libidinous eastern grays are ruining my holiday season.

We all know what these kinds of dalliances can lead to and in the case of these tarted-up local bushytails, that could mean a whole new generation, following conception, in no fewer than 48 days. Just as the winter solstice wraps us in its icy arms on Dec. 21, and the Christmas lights are twinkling their brightest, the squirrels are thinking spring - and spring babies.

Few things are cuter than a baby squirrel, of course, but the last thing I want to think about in December is unwrapping any presents that need to be hydrated, nursed, kept warm and monitored over time to see if they're developing correctly. And it's certain that there will be orphans this year, needing rehab care, as there have been in previous years. While my schedule doesn't permit me to take in newborns (and they're so fragile I'm not sure my temperament could handle the pressure either), squirrels are orphaned at all stages of their development, with the early February births in this part of the country being only the tip of the icicle.

I think I'll tempt the squirrels on our property with something else to satisfy their lusty appetites. FOOD. It goes along with sex, I suppose, but it's the activity that adds calories, rather than burns them. Still, if I can keep these guys eating from sun-up to sundown, distracting them with a stray pecan or a juicy looking walnut when they're eyeing a ripe potential hot momma squirrel sitting on a tree branch, I might just be ahead of the game this spring.


Anonymous said...

When you see one of your gray squirrels waddle over to a tree and look over its shoulder for a helpful hand to be able to climb up, you might - you just might - have to rethink your strategy. :-)


squirrelmama said...

Ah yes, perhaps you have a point. Do you know where I can buy itsy bitsy chastity belts?