01 October 2007

Rocky the Flying Squirrel - or Rocky Balboa?

OK, title to the contrary, I'm not really writing here about flying squirrels. But I'm not writing about fighting squirrels, either. Indeed, do squirrels go into attack mode at all?

Well, yes: They've been known to scrap with one another pretty ferociously in fact, over food, territory and, during breeding season, most definitely over a fertile female. And ask any wildlife rehabilitator who has foolishly put an ungloved hand in the cage of a recovering adult or perhaps a juvenile who's just discovered his or her "inner wild rodent," and you know there's no arguing successfully with those well-aimed, potent incisors. And yes, a frightened, trapped squirrel will also vigorously defend itself - wouldn't you?

But recent reports in the news seem to insist that squirrels, which as a prey species are at the bottom of the food chain, are actually out to get us, and have the potential to do us unexplainable harm as they lurk, conspiratorially, in every tree branch, every shrub and, God help us, even watching us from our attics, after having used their criminal minds to break and enter.

Case in point: A story about a month ago relating the tale of squirrel's presumed assault, unprovoked, on a toddler who was innocently enjoying the play equipment in an Orlando, Florida park.

Sorry folks, I don't buy it.

I especially don't buy it when local authorities then, as they did in this case, insist the "killer squirrel" be found and tested for rabies. This shows ignorance on the part of the authorities - ignorance on the part of the members of the media who report such stories, and stupidity on the part of everyday who swallow stories like this whole.

To believe such stories is to assume that, in almost every city around the country, senior citizens are placing their very lives at risk just for the joy of tossing peanuts to this murderous vicious species.

Squirrels are not just potential weapons of mass destruction but, worse than that, beneath the fur of every eastern gray squirrel beats the heart of a potential Granny Killer.

Better to have Grandma and Grandpa toss their leftover goodies to some furry, cuddly and innocuous forest friend instead: I hear there are plenty of starving black bears in them thar woods who'd be ever so grateful for a snackie.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I knew it! After breaking into my attic, having a litter of young-uns, they're now digging up the yard, looking for tulip bulbs!